KERPLOP! (actually it’s “Qapla”!)
Sweet Poopin’ Targs! Can this be for real?
Robber Uses Batleth in Hold-Up
A robber in Colorado Spring has no honor.
According to reports, a masked man robbed two 7-11 convience stores early Wednesday morning using a batleth. A clerk at one of the two stores recognized the weapon from the popular TV series, “Star Trek: The Next Generation.”
The first robbery was reported at 1:50 a.m., at 145 N Spruce St. The clerk told police a white man in his 20s, wearing a black jacket, blue jeans and wearing a black mask, entered the store with a weapon the clerk recognized from “Star Trek.” The robber demanded money and left with an undisclosed amount of money.
A half hour later, police received a call from a 7-Eleven at 2407 N. Union Blvd., where a man matching the previous description entered the store with a similar weapon. He also demanded money from the store clerk. The clerk refused and the robber ran off.
Neither clerk was injured in the robberies. As of this report, the honorless suspect is still at large.
The sci-fi goober in me says “Hooray for the space faring unwashed masses! Finally we’ll get the respect we deserve. And if we don’t, by the frakkin” moons of Meep-Zort. we will By-Gods TAKE it!” And we’ll be armed with fantasy driven alien weapons about as useful as tits on a bull. Then we’ll all gather round the FTL in our FTL’s and speak a completely made up language and crow about how our lives really DO have meaning. Really. . . have. . . excuse me, I seem to be weeping uncontrollably.
Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE Sci-fi. And I’m a long time Trekkie. But when you start donning your Dorn daggers to get your Kwiki-freak on, I think it’s time to move out of Granny’s basement and get some counseling. Before you know it, morons will be jackin’ the local 7-11with a Noisy Cricket and making their hyperspace getaway in a mini-van painted like the aluminum falcon. Honestly, can you imagine what they’re gonna do to this guy in lockup? They’ll be making him toss their gaak like an orion slave girl. Yikes! Talk about being ass-similated! And he’ll be defenseless cause he can’t find any duranium to make a romulan shank out of. It will indeed be a good day to cry.
But far be for me to be unhelpful. To the cosmic constabulary I say “I know the IDENTITY of the robber”. I think we all do. Yup, Star Wars Kid. It was, of course only a matter of time. And to the Colorado Springs Special Tactical Interstellar Space Marine Jet Packin’ Time Cop Unit who must surely be closing in on this “veroooool”, my mate says “KERPLOP”! (Forgive her, she’s not a big trek fan.) Now if you’ll excuse me I must resume my batleth training.
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February 6th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Hey, at least Star Wars Kid is getting some exercise… and he didn’t hit the camera or trip over his laundry.
February 6th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
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February 6th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Leave to KD to see the bright side! I agree, exercise will be important for the culprit (especially if it’s the “kid”). Running, especially from people and things, will come in very handy.
February 7th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
JJ, I had no idea you were a fellow sci-nerd.
Tich tor ang tesmur, my friend. Or in keeping with the spirit of this story, maybe I should say, tIqjaj yInlIj ‘ej bIchepjaj.
February 7th, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Isn’t ’sci-nerd’ a little redun-redundant?
February 7th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
My therapist told me they are mutually exclusive. And then proceeded to up my dosage of “placidio-non-hurtmium”.