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The Saturday Bulletin » Archive » Halloween! Laugh till you die!
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Halloween! Laugh till you die!

October 30th, 2008

In just a few days we’ll enjoy the hoots and hollers, the thrills and delights, and the all out freggin fun fest that is Halloween! What a great day. From childhood until present day, I never missed out on the All Hallows Eve. Gettin candy as a kid, goin to haunts as a younger fella, and givin out the candy as a-dolt. Man I got some great memories, and I’m sure you do too. Lot’s of laughs from the many nooks and crannies of my memory.

I remember trying once to barter what amounted to a bucket full of candy corn for a single snickers bar. No deal in case you’re wondering. But I hadda try. Never could stand the CC. It acted as ballast  to help even out the weight of my bag of booty. NO, not THAT booty! I’m talkin’ boodle, gain, goods, halla-swag, spoils. Bags (paper please, no plastic) of tooth-rotting, sugar-jammed, hypertensive, confounded confections.

I also recall a trip to a haunted attraction as a boy. One of those pitch black, motion activated, scare a child into a “mud-butt”, zig-zagging maze, hell-holes. Still in single-digits and running the horror gauntlet on my own, I rounded a dark corner and stepped on one of the activation buttons. FLASHING LIGHTS! A LARGE WEREWOLF! RRRRAAAUUUUWWWWGGH! I was off like a shot! Screaming the whole way. Did I mention it was pitch black maze? Did I also mention there were microphones posted inside and loud speakers outside. The only thing missing to my visit to the tramusment park was some sort of smell-o-vision to highlight the mixed smell of spittle and urine that followed me at the speed of sound thru the. . . pitch. . .black . . .labryrinth.

Wanna know what is sounded like? Well, something like this. Keep the doppler effect in mind for extra giggles.

  1. Werewolf howl.
  2. High pitched scream.
  3. Mach 1 patter of Pro-Keds.
  4. Screaming.
  5. Mach 2 sound of feet leaving Pro-Keds behind.
  6. More screaming, higher, louder.
  7. Sound of liquid hitting concrete floor.
  8. Moist farting.
  9. Long, protracted, shriek approaching, and passing aforementioned microphone.
  10. LOUD dully cracking “THUNK”, coinciding with the abrupt end of panicked wailing.
  11. Sound of small body collapsing to hard cold unyielding floor.
  12. Crack of melon.
  13. More moist farting.
  14. Sirens.

While I look back and laugh now, it’s probably nothing like the laughter of those listening when it all happened. But now, I laugh. And thankfully, so does my therapist.

One Comment...

  1. sandra407
    September 9th, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. :) Cheers! Sandra. R.

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